From the time we are born, we will continue to lose things important to us. We call this loss, and we deal with loss by cutting ourselves off from uncomfortable feelings, or we trick ourselves into believing our reality is something different from what it actually is. We do this a lot when we want things we can’t have.
When we accumulate many losses over time, It all becomes rolled up until one loss becomes a part of another and another, etc. until it becomes a big mass stored somewhere in our body. If we are wise, we learn to grieve our losses. It is difficult to do, and healing occurs within us when we do. Tears have a way of cleaning out the toxins in our bodies, our hearts, and our souls.
While I was growing up, I was not allowed to grieve. I heard all the time, “Stop your crying, or I will give you something to cry about.” In society, I was taught, “Keep a stiff upper lip, be brave, be strong.” It wasn’t until almost a year ago, that I finally started to allow myself to grieve my losses. I cried for hours, and could not stop and it was intense. What I know now is, it wasn’t one loss I was grieving but a great many.
The best way to grieve is to be able to cry and have someone who is compassionate, be there, and give us comfort. Someone who can witness our loss and how it affected us, and someone to honor our right to grieve. Being comforted by another helps us heal. Even if the comforter only says, ” I see and hear your pain. It’s understandable why you feel what you feel. I’m sorry that this is so painful for you.”
These words let us know we are being heard. We are being responded too, and someone feels sad we are hurt. We need to teach our children how to grieve and support them in this task. In life, Loss is painful and it hurts. To say, “that’s OK”, or “it’s not a big deal,” diminishes who we are and what we feel as human beings.