All my life I was proud of the fact that I could accept people for who they really were. I never felt I had to convince someone to think the same way I did. I felt that people could be friendly and agree to disagree. For the most part, I allowed my son to be his own person. He was encouraged to think his own thoughts and develop his own values and beliefs. I did pray a lot that my teachings would steer him in the direction of having decent values, because I knew there would be fewer problems he would have to deal with. If he had integrated lying, stealing, cheating, and using other people for his own selfish gain into his value system, I knew things could get dicey for him. I am happy to report he formed a good value system. I was also very accepting most of the time of my friends, and clients at work.
The only time I can recall having difficulty accepting some one just as they were was in the last several years. There was a big difference in age, values, ways of doing things, and accomplishing goals in a working relationship I had contracted for. Expectations were different for each of us. Because my success in meeting my goals was tied to the other person, I became driven to get the task accomplished. I was full of zeal and wanted to pass on information, skills to get the task done. I saw myself as being helpful but the other person saw it differently, that I was trying to change how she did her work, and I wasn’t allowing her to be herself. Needless to say things got dicey.
I grew from that relationship, but it was hard and stressful, and I should have been more patient, less driven. I should have been more flexible. I wasn’t the best person I could have been, but I do know I put a lot of time and energy into trying to make it work. I learned some unkind things about myself and some valuable lessons about the working relationship. It’s easy to make assumptions about someone else or judge a person without needed feedback. I wish I had known more about her as a person so I could have had a better understanding why certain things were important to her. I do know making any kind of judgement at all was not helpful. I do want to work on accepting other people, as time goes on.